By DOROTHY DIX
DEAR DOROTHY DIX: My problem concerns a boy I like, but have never dated, and a girl friend whom I suspect of being slightly less than true-blue. Her boy friend belongs to a club where Ricky (the boy I like) is also a member. She claims she has heard via the grapevine that Ricky is interested in me. However, I know she isn’t trustworthy, so don’t know how much or her gossip to believe. Now to the problem. I’d like to invite Ricky to a class dance but am a little afraid to risk it. Suppose my girl friend is lying and Ricky turns me down?
BABS
DEAR BABS: So suppose he does? Will you be any worse off than you are now? Proceed with the invitation as you would have if your loose-tongued girl friend had never uttered a word. When you know, as you say, that the girl isn’t to be trusted, why put any credence at all in what she says? Why, in fact, keep a girl of her calibre on your friendship list?
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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: My fiance is a wonderful boy but terribly hot-tempered. He flies into rage at anything or nothing. He gets over it quickly, but soon is at it again. Of course I always forgive him. Is there any point in staying cross with him?
GIGI
DEAR GIGI: You have quitte a future in store forgiving him every time he flies off the handle. A high-tempered person is very difficult to live with. A girl who undertakes marriage with one is either desperately in love or lacking in ordinary common sense. A man who flies into a rage over nothing isn’t even mature enough to qualify as a husband. Cure him or can him!
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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: I’m desperately in love with a girl who is halfway through college. I began working after school, am now 25, and know my salary won’t support us. Should I let my friend finish college? She will then have a profession and on two incomes I know we’d make it. Right now we’re just two kids in love.
NOEL
DEAR NOEL: At 25, Noel, you’re no kid. Unless, and until, you can see your way clear to supporting a family out of your own funds, stay out of the marriage market. Have you told the girl about your plans for her future? I doubt if they will be well taken!
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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: How can I be sure my boy friend loves me?
DIXIE
DEAR DIXIE: This question is the eternal brain teaser. If I had the answer, I could make a mint. However, nobody has been able to devise a test for love. Maybe that’s why women were given intuition. It’s as good a tester as anything.
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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: Seemingly, I have everything in the world to make me happy — a marvelous husband, good children, a lovely home, yet my heart is breaking over my oldest daughter’s behavior. She’s an honor student in school, perfectly behaved outside, but she simply won’t confide in me. During her growing-up years I had looked forward so much to the time when she’d be of dating age, and would come home after every dance all ready for a comfy woman’s talk. She hasn’t developed that way at all. She’s quiet, keeps things to herself and never indulges in chit-chat with me. I have always been a friendly, sociable person and love lo talk things over. I need the companionship of friendly people and have especially wanted the confidence of my only daughter. Can you suggest a way of handling her?
Irene C.
DEAR IRENE: I certainly can, but you won’t like my suggestion, and may even be constitutionally unable to follow it. It’s simply this: let the girl alone! Quit trying to pry into her thoughts and check up on all she does. Respect her privacy!
Recognize the fact that your daughter isn’t necessarily a pattern of yourself. She’s what nature made her — just as you are. You’re the gabby type; she’s not. With naturally silent people speech comes hard. Expression of inner, personal feelings is difficult, even when they want to confide in someone. A girl can’t turn out the contents of her mind as you would empty a purse.
This is your oldest child; you have three others growing up. Learn now that each offspring is an individual and needn’t follow parental tastes or habits. This is something to which every parent must adjust, if the child-parent relationship is to be a good one.
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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: Roy and I have been dating for a year and we expect to marry when we finish school, which will be this June. He promised me a diamond for Christmas, but when the 25th of December rolled around gave me a string of pearls instead, with no explanation for his change of heart. He has never spoken of the ring again, neither have I. Do you think he’s trying to back out of the wedding plans?
Christine
DEAR CHRISTINE: If he’s a smart boy, he is certainly backing down on marriage. You’re both too young, and Roy has no plans for his future. Instead of puzzling your poor brain over this, why not come out in the open and ask him why he changed his mind, and what he feels about your future together.
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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: We live in the home of my in-laws – not with them, but in their home. My husband is soft-hearted, and spends most of his spare time and money doing things for his mother. I don’t think this is right, since we have a hard time getting along as it is. We pay rent, but my husband gives his mother extra money every week. I can’t make him understand that I should come first.
Hopeless
DEAR HOPELESS: It’s difficult to make a girl understand that she married a kind, soft-hearted man because she loved him that way, then suddenly she wants him to become stony toward his own family. You can’t have things two ways. Perhaps your husband is too generous with time and money toward his family – I can’t pass judgment, not knowing enough details. If you feel he should taper off, approach the matter slowly; don’t expect a sudden or complete change. Explain that there’s just so much money; you need certain things and the rest he can do with what he wants. If there just isn’t any “rest” he’ll have to learn to see that, too.
(Released by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
Taken from The News. Frederick, Maryland. February 3, 1958.
