Frisky Wife

A noted marriage authority sets down this thought-provoking guide, which all wives who want to be better ones might well follow.

By Clark W. Blackburn – General Director, Family Service Association of America, With Theodore Irwin.

Although affected with cerebral palsy, Phyllis Taylor was determined to find a job. Her husband Bill was about to enter New York Medical College and someone had to support the family. Last July, Mrs. Taylor, a pert, 25-year-old brunette from Brooklyn. N.Y., finally got what she sought — a job as secretary at J.O.B. (Just One Break), a unique organization which finds productive work for the disabled.

Mrs. Taylor doesn’t think she is doing anything extraordinary in putting her husband through medical school despite her handicap.

“I accept it as a matter of course.” she says, “because I love my husband.. I don’t consider it either as my duty or responsibility. My husband’s career is our future, and we have to make it together. My working is just one of my contributions.”

While Phyllis Taylor doesn’t expect any plaudits, there has been a trend recently to recognize the efforts of wives above and beyond the call of duty. Each year at the graduation exercises of the evening division of New York University’s college of engineering, the student council presents “Good Wife Certificates” to worthy mates of graduates for their “encouragement, collaboration, and understanding.” At the college, four out of five evening students are married. The average student takes six to eight years to complete his engineering course – Usually, he spends three-and-a-half nights a week in class and much of his weekend in preparation for it.

One “good wife” who received her certificate last June is Mrs. Mary K. Mooney. whose husband Terence attended evening classes for nine years. During that time, the couple had four children, and she had to keep them happily occupied while Terence studied.

“A lot of fellows dropped out,” Mrs. Mooney observed, “because their wives couldn’t stand the grind. I admit at times the going was rough, but I wanted my husband to achieve his ambition, and becoming an engineer offered a better life for all of us.”

I think the Good Wife Certificate, as a tangible token of gratitude, is a wonderful tradition. I wish there were more like it outside the academic world. Of the 38,600,000 wives in this country, there are probably a vast number who deserve recognition for their superior performance as spouses. Far too much attention has been given to divorces and the shortcomings of the female partner. It’s time we accented her positive qualities.

Dr. Carle C. Zimmerman of Harvard University and the Rev. Lucius F. Cervantes of St. Louis University surveyed 60,000 families for their new book, “Successful American Families.” As part of their findings, the two social scientists reported:

“While we have more broken families, we also have many more good ones. These good families are increasing and getting better.’

Clearly, a cornerstone of the successful family is the wife. Just what are the criteria for a “good” wife? Each family is unique and has its own pattern and problems. But by and large, the estimable wife often has some basic characteristics. In a cross-section survey of 20 leading marital-relations advisers among member agencies of the Family Service Association of America, we have gathered a consensus of their views on the subject.

The following points, not necessarily in order of importance for every couple, may guide young wives just starting out in family life, and give other women a better perspective on their own role:

1. The good wife, grown-up enough to give as well as to receive, has the capacity to provide her husband with emotional support when needed.

That is, she is sensitive to his feelings and moods. When he is preoccupied by tensions outside the home, she knows he is not rejecting her. If he needs praise, she’s able to offer it. In crises, she stands by him: if he loses his job or fails in a venture, she doesn’t blame him entirely, but puts on a good face and does all she can to see him through the ordeal.

She understands his impulses even though she may disapprove of his behavior. Let me illustrate with a case at one of our agencies. Barbara had married Fred, a widower with a grown daughter and two grandchildren. Fred tended to go overboard with financial help to his daughter. Last summer, he sent both grandchildren to an expensive camp, thus depriving Barbara and himself of a longer vacation. But Barbara realized that Fred’s daughter resented his second marriage and perhaps this was his way of winning her over. Instead of expressing resentment, Barbara accepted his gesture as a wish to be a good father and grandfather — an emotional need that had to be satisfied.

2, To be able to give her husband emotional support, the good wife develops her own potentialities as a human being. Retaining her individuality and independence, she may take courses in adult education, cultivate her talents, or participate in community affairs. Thus, she fulfills herself as a person and still pulls her oar as a wife. At the same time, she grows along with her husband, expanding her horizons with his and broadening her interests as he moves ahead. She is able to keep pace with him. adjusting to the many and various changes and emotional cycles in their love.

3. Her expectations of what her husband can do are realistic. Take the case of Joan and Paul Meadows, for example. As an orphaned child, Joan had been placed in one foster home after another. Instability marked her entire youth. When she married Paul, a truck driver, Joan realized he had far less education and intelligence than she, but he was steady and predictable, giving her the security she needed. Joan manages the finances, plans for the children, and makes the major decisions, yet she makes Paul feel he is the boss at home. She has never berated him for his inability to increase his income. Joan sees her husband in a true light.

4. The good wife shares her husband’s goals, fitting them to her own. She is willing to wait patiently for the ultimate rewards. In attaining these objectives, she shares responsibilities as well as pleasures and problems. A fairly common case in point is a couple I’ll call Ed and Betty Jackson. Ambitious to get ahead, Ed started as a salesman in a demanding business. He worked late hours and traveled a good deal. Although she was annoyed and lonely from time to time, Betty adapted herself to the situation. She learned to make casserole dishes that wouldn’t spoil when he came home late, and made the most of their few hours together. Now that Ed has been made an executive, they have household help and more time to spend with each other. Recently, the Jacksons took a long-dreamed-of trip to Europe. As her husband’s “partner,” Betty had played her role well in his hard climb upward.

5. Through the warmth of her affection, the good wife helps keep their love alive. She sends him off with a kiss in the morning and greets him as fondly when he returns. To her, physical love is a symbol of devotion rather than an end in itself, and she is aware that such physical need is usually greater in the male. The considerate wife lets her mate know that she finds him desirable, and never makes him feel inadequate as a male.

6. The good wife has a deep, abiding, confident faith in the man she has married. She wants others to respect him as she does. In a group conversation, she permits him to take the lead and shouldn’t interrupt him constantly or spoil his joke – She avoids criticizing him in public. Nor does she disparage associates and friends he admires. She follows an open-door policy for them in her heart even if she finds them dull or sometimes dependable. She may compromise gracefully, however, by not seeing them too often.

7. While she enjoys her husband’s companionship, the good wife doesn’t become too dependent on it. Respecting his need for occasional privacy, she learns when to keep quiet if she’s aware he is upset or uncommunicative. If he’d rather read or watch a ball game on television, she avoids disturbing him with idle chatter. While family unity is desirable, she doesn’t force him into “togetherness.” If her husband invites her to join him in golf, fishing, or bowling — and she’s interested — she’ll go along for the comradeship. But if he prefers some social time with other men, and she senses that she shouldn’t intrude, the good wife doesn’t consider this a personal affront. She knows she doesn’t have to be in her husband’s corner every moment of his free time.

8. Social scientists agree that emancipation from parental domination is essential to harmony in marriage. The good wife doesn’t run off to mother every time she’s up against a situation she can’t handle. While she maintains close ties with her parents, their wishes do not control her decisions. No longer their “little girl,” she has assumed the full stature of a wife. Her mother’s advice may be helpful, but the smart wife knows that it must not intrude on the young couple’s privacy. Toward her husband’s parents, she is accepting. Tactfully, she arranges to see them regularly (if that’s what her husband wants), and takes their suggestions with grace. But she and her husband still hold the reins at home.

9. Considering homemaking her profession, she enjoys being a capable household manager, even if she has an outside job, too. Home should be more than a place for her husband to hang his hat — he should find pleasure in returning to it each day. She makes every effort to keep their home reasonably cheerful, a restful haven. Meals are enticing in variety. Unless he’s willing to do such household chores as washing dishes or changing diapers, she does not insist on it Although he can help around the house, her mate isn’t converted into a “mother substitute.” If she has a part-time career or full-time job, it doesn’t take priority in her life, and her own work should not become more important to her than his.

10. Conflicts are normal in marriage, and the astute wife doesn’t let tensions pile up; she works them out as they come along. Above all, she must be able to communicate her feelings and respect her husband’s, though they may differ. She tries to find out what’s “eating” her mate, concedes that his viewpoint may be reasonable and opens the way to discussion and compromise. When she knows the “sore spots” in his personality, she avoids the temptation to strike at them. If she has a grievance herself, she tries to choose the right time and place to air it, limiting her arguments to relevant facts. Above all, she retains her sense of humor and sense of proportion.

What about her function as a mother? Having children is a joint goal, an expression of a couple’s affection for each other. Generally, the American woman today takes a dominant role when the children are young, but the good wife doesn’t shut out her husband or lessen her devotion to him. She divides her love between him and the children. From the beginning, she encourages him to share in their rearing and guidance. When they misbehave, she handles the problem as it comes up: she doesn’t put him in the unfavorable position of a dreaded disciplinarian by threatening her children with: “Wait till Daddy comes home!” He does his part when he’s at home, and she backs him up in his methods of punishment.

Naturally, no one wife is likely to fit all these criteria for the ever-loving spouse. Nor does anything less than these criteria necessarily make a woman a “defective” wife. Obviously, the characteristics of American families vary widely, and no outsider can say what is best for each couple. But these 10 yardsticks can serve as a guide to women who wish to evaluate their own role — and to husbands who may now awaken to the fact that their mates may well merit at the very least a symbolic “good wife” award.

Photograph by Victor Orsatz.

Taken from The Salisbury Times. Salisbury, Maryland. December 18, 1960

In a recent study of happiness in marriage a Wabash College professor discovered that in general the husbands studied rated their own happiness one point below the ratings their wives picked.

Why that difference? Perhaps, it is because so many wives go into marriage with a preconceived idea of what a good wife is or ought to be and never bother to check up to find out if their ideas of what constitutes a good wife are the same as their husbands’.

Mary Jones may believe whole-heartedly that she is an excellent wife because she is a good cook, a thrifty housekeeper, and a responsible mother.

Bill Jones, while accepting those qualities as his natural due, may believe that a good wife also should be a happy-hearted companion, intellectually capable of keeping up with her husband.

If Mary has never bothered to find out what Bill thinks a wife should be — but knows she is all that she thinks a wife should be – then it would be natural for her to assume that her marriage is a happier partnership than it actually is.

Nobody in the world can tell a woman how to be a good wife. That is something she has to learn after marriage. And she has to learn the answer by studying her own husband to find out what he needs from the woman who shares his life.

The woman who doesn’t hold her husband’s love and then says self-righteously “I was a good wife to him” just doesn’t understand that a good wife is one who is right for her husband.

From the Edwardsville Intelligencer. Edwardsville, Illinois. February 7, 1951.

By Josephine Lowman

If my husband ever said, “Jo, you have been a good wife to me,” it would scare the wits out of me.

It would frighten me not because there is anything wrong with being a good wife. That is a fine thing to be, and I think if it ever occurred my husband to weigh me in this way, he might decide that I have been a fairly good wife.

What does being “a good wife” indicate as the term is generally used? It means that you have been faithful, that you have been a conscientious mother, that you have run your home efficiently, that you have graciously received the unexpected guest even when it was your husband’s friend or relative, that you have been thrifty. Believe me, many a man with a fly-by-night, hare-brained wife would welcome these qualities.

BEYOND CALL OF DUTY

Yet it seems to me that there is something wrong with just being a good wife. That term indicates that you have lived up to the tenets of your marriage contract, that you have fulfilled your duty. However, in war and marriage, the heroic and lovely contributions are those done “above and beyond the call of duty.

How easy have you been to live with, how gay and encouraging? How much fun has it been to live with you? How interesting is your conversation? How tender have vou been — how understanding – how tolerant? How pretty have you kept yourself?

LOVE IS BEST

Have you been more intrigued with your husband than with your house and children? Has
life with you been romantic because you belive in life and in human nature and in your husband and love them all?

Would you rather be loved than be right? Would you prefer to hear your husband say, “There is no one else in the world like you, darling.” Instead of “You have been a good wife to me.” If so, better think things over.

From It’s Fun to Stay Young in the Long Beach Press. Long Beach, California. February 11, 1951.

Man Says Love for Husband Is Formula

DEAR MARY HAWORTH: A daily (male) reader of your clear-thinking column, I have something to say to your recent correspondent who asks how to be a good wife. She is a good housekeeper but her husband disparages that. He calls for inspiration and ego-building.

Here is my advice: Don’t marry unless you love your husband-to-be. Clean corners, well brought up children, good plain cooking cannot compare to a wife’s love for her husband, as a source of happiness. And love of husband cannot be faked. The fullest sense of obligation cannot bring it forth. If it isn’t there, the marriage is a lie and the lie started in the beginning.

When a man says “I love you,” he means “I love you, I desire you, I cherish you. I want to take care of you. I want to work with you and for you.” And he isn’t kidding or he wouldn’t get married. He doesn’t expect the woman to marry him unless she feels the same. Oh, an occasional man may feel he loves enough for both, and begs the girl to be his wife even if she doesn’t love him but that is an honest risk.

When a woman says “I love you,” the man expects that she means “I want you, I think you are wonderful, I want to be taken care of by you, and I will take care of my brood.” Too often she really means “I want your love. I am afraid of being a spinster. You are my likeliest prospect. I want to get away from my family. I am willing to make a life with you.”

Stiff Blonde, Spanish Dance

So they marry. If she is a good woman she wants to do the right thing. She tries her best. But she can’t be an inspiration. She doesn’t love him. The result adds up to a stiff blonde trying to do a Spanish dance. Why isn’t the dance any good. Was the arm held at the wrong angle? Who knows? But everyone knows it didn’t come off. It wasn’t in her.

If a woman loves, she can’t stop doing those little things that reveal her heart. But if she is merely a fine dutiful woman dying to do the right thing — and not in love with her husband — she is licked. She can’t be a good wife. House- work can be “raising a cloud of dust to hide yourself from yourself.” It is an out, an escape.

A bad character, not in love with her husband, will shirk, drink, cheat, etc., but a good woman will not. She will do the job, work hard, go to church, possess self-esteem, be a pillar of society. Nobody can say she isn’t a good wife. But I will say it — she isn’t a good wife. A good wife, the wife a man hopes to get when he marries, is a wife who loves him. Then he won’t notice the quality of the housekeeping.

Tell the girls to wait until they fall in love before they marry. Tell them life won’t be a contract in quiet desperation if they are in love. There won’t be drudgery, cheating, unhappiness if love exists. At least, if marriage had this factor and little else, your problem mail would be cut in half, Mary.

F. R.

Loving Woman’s Point of View

DEAR F.R.: Well, yes and no. There is something in what you say, but you are pipe-dreaming, too, about the delights of living with a slavishly infatuated houri. Anyway, your viewpoint is valuable as an eye-opener to women, regarding what men hope for.

Now, as an eye-opener to men, I’d like to cite a remark recently made by a famous woman of abundantly feminine character and great spiritual depth, who has loved and been loved much. Speaking of man-woman love she said, “I have no desire to be the burning center of anyone’s life. I wish to share life and love with someone who loves God primarily, as I do.”

M. H.

Mary Haworth counsels through her column, not by mail or personal interview. Write her in care The Panama City News.

Taken from the Panama City News. Panama City, Florida. April 30, 1953.

A late start, peak-hour traffic and a dash home all add up to a fine for Janet with no sympathy at all from Bob

It happened after I’d left the Harbour Bridge, that infuriating bottle-neck of traffic where in peak hours it takes you so long to crawl up to the toll gate and pay your shilling that you begin to think it’s about time they made the Bridge free.

After all it’s been built more than 30 years; and anyway I can’t see why people living on the north side of the Harbour should have to pay as much as they do for it. They should at least give us northsiders a weekly concession!

Many of us use it twice a day, whereas the people on the other side rarely cross it more than once or twice a week.

I’d been to see my mother-in-law out at Bondi and had overstayed my time. I’d meant to start for home about 3.30, but had left it until an hour later. So I ran bang into the five o’clock scramble at the Bridge.

Eventually I got to the toll gates and handed over my shilling. Carefully I adged into the stream of north-going traffic. It began to speed-up and so did I. By the time I’d reached the north side of the Bridge I was going at least 25 miles an hour!

Then there was the usual creep up the hill, with traffic cops holding us up and cars and trucks every which way. It was already getting quite dark. I glanced at my watch – 5.30.

Although I knew my mother was at home fixing the tea and looking after the little boys, I began to get a bit anxious.

We started off again and to my relief I saw the turn off ahead which would set me on the road to home. I pulled up, waited for the oncoming traffic and as soon as there was a break shot off to the right.

The road that leads to the Junction looked pretty clear and I started to drive more quickly. I’d been driving about five minutes when I saw the motor bike racing up behind me in my rear vision mirror. Fool, I thought. He’ll kill himself at that pace.

Then, suddenly, the bike was passing me and cutting in on me and a voice was ordering me to “Pull in, driver.”

Horrified, I slowed down and stopped close to the pavement. A helmeted policeman was approaching me, notebook ready.

“Hello,” I said brightly, as he drew level with my front window. “What’s the matter, officer?”

“What . . . what’s the matter?” he spluttered. “You were doing 45 miles an hour, madam!”

“I couldn’t have been!”

“But you were, madam, 45 miles per hour. The speed limit’s 35. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes, but, well, I’m sure I wasn’t going as fast as that. You must have made a mistake, officer.”

“We don’t make mistakes. I’m going to book you, lady.”

“Look officer,” I leaned out the window and flashed him my widest smile. “Do I look like the sort of person who’d break the speed laws? I have two little sons at home and I’m having another baby soon. I’m a very careful driver, officer.” “You were doing 45,” he insisted. “Now, can I see your licence, please?”

I scrabbled in my handbag without result. “Oh,” I said plaintively, “I must have left it in my other bag.”

“All right . . . all right,” he said wearily. “Just give me your name and address.”

“I still don’t think I was doing 45,” I said.

“Name and address, please.”

I told him who I was and where I lived. He wrote it down slowly and carefully.

“You’ll be hearing about this,” he said morosely.

After my mother had gone and the children were in bed I confessed to my husband. His immediate reaction was one of horror.

“You have no business to be driving at 45 along the Junction Road,” he stormed. “You’re . . . you’re not good enough, Jano, You could have killed yourself.”

“I don’t believe I was going 45 and besides, Bob Middleton, you know very well I’m a good driver. I can handle the car.”

“Oh, you’re all right but you’re still only a woman,” said my husband. “You’re not fit to drive at 45 anywhere, let alone in the city. You don’t see things quickly enough.”

“My reflexes are excellent. You’re like every other male, Bob. Just because I’m a female, you think I’m a rotten driver.”

“I didn’t say you were a rotten driver. But you ought to have enough sense to recognise your limitations. You’ll get fined, Jano, five to 10 pounds most likely. Well, you can pay it yourself, out of housekeeping money. It might teach you a lesson.”

I opened my mouth to argue and then decided against it. If it’d been Bob who’d been pulled up for speeding I’d have been full of sympathy, but a wife can’t expect the same treatment from her husband when it happens to her.

In the male book all women are hopeless nitwits in a motor car, and all the talking in the world isn’t going to change that opinion.

The only thing to do in a case like this is to shut up and start saving for the fine.

Real names are not used in this story.

Another complete episode in the real life story LIFE WITH THE MIDDLETONS

From Woman’s Day. Australia. August 2, 1965.

James 0′Shaugnessy of Hubbard Woods spoke for the brow-beaten or harassed species, while Mrs. Thomas G. Spearing of St. Louis interceded in behalf of the wives.

Some people who contemplate marriage keep in mind James Thurber’s famed “War Between Men and Women” and are fearful lest they be forced to take part in something like the “Battle on the Stairs.”

This is not the point, according to Mr O’Shaugnessy. He does not see men and women being segregated into armed camps, fighting pitched battles, with man eventually subjugating woman.

Backbone of Nation

O’Shaugnessy says that a sound family life is the backbone of the nation, and that such family life springs from a strong and happy marriage. To that end it is necessary to expend some real effort in being a good husband. And the easiest way to be a good husband is to select a good wife.

Choosing a good wife is far from a simple trick, but there are certain qualities to look for in a girl. There is no law against her being pretty or having a bundle of currency, but these are not requisites.

Character, and the ability to share sorrow as well as happiness help to make for real love and a permanent marriage. It helps some if she is able to cook.

O’Shaugnessy said he felt that children were a “must” for a lasting marriage, and that it is up to the man to assume his responsibilities as a parent as well as a husband. There are some fellows, he said, who tend to shirk the responsibilities of marriage and toss the reins to their wives. When the wives refuse to accept them and toss them back, marriages sometimes crumble and end up in the courts.

Give and Take

The young lawyer told his overflow audience that the best way to be a good husband was
to remember that marriage is a give and take matter, and not just “take.” To be a successful husband, you must overlook imagined grievances and wrongs, and be willing to make some real sacrifices, O’Shaugnessy said.

Mrs. Spearing told the assembly that her husband was home in St. Louis practicing the art of beins a good mother to their three children.

She and her husband are active in that city on a Sunday morning radio program designed to reach young families.

She said that the thing most husbands looked for when they came home from the day’s work was relaxation, that they didn’t like to help with the wash or aid in preparing dinner.

Mrs. Spearing added that she felt the one thing men admire in a wife is poise. And by poise, she said that she didn’t mean the ability to tip-toe across the room balancing a Bell directory while reading Vogue or Harper’s Bazaar.

Marry Young, She Urges

Beauty and brains are nice things to have, but your husband will be more satisfied with smoothness and balance than any other qualities, she told the girls in the audience.

Mrs. Spearing said that the color-ads in any home or fashion magazine took her breath away, but that a good wife must live within her husband’s income and be able to distinguish between needs and desires when shopping.

Marry young was her parting shot to the group. She emphasized that she was not advocating “child bride marriages” but that it was her own personal opinion that a girl should marry young and marry well.

Taken from The Garfieldian. Chicago, Illinois. March 13, 1947.

All he wants is the basic love, companionship, warmth and fun of a good wife and mother. He wants to be able to bring his friends home unexpectedly and find the house in order, a meal miraculously brought out of the hat without any fuss, and a warm welcome for everyone.

A man is the envy of his friends if he has a wife who does not greet him at the door saying, “Why didn’t you ring me and say you were bringing someone home?” He likes to know she’ll say, “What nice friends you have,” instead of “I can’t think why you bother about that awful bore….besides he doesn’t stop drinking. He hasn’t left a drop in the house.”

She sees that his clothes are always spotless and well pressed. Looking at him, his friends know that he has a good wife because he always looks well-groomed and his expression is contented.

There are some women who can’t wait to tell their husbands what kind of day they had, what they bought, what their neighbors had to say. Every woman might as well accept the fact that to make a marriage work she must put her husband first. Before she tackles her own affairs she should ask tenderly, gaily, kindly, brightly, thoughtfully, according to type, what his day was like. There are plenty of wives who complain that their husbands never tell them a thing. Are they sure it isn’t their own fault?

A wise woman plans for her man in an encouraging way. She won’t ever say, “Why can’t you earn as much as Bill Jones? You started at the same time and he makes twice as much as you do.” This is fatal. She’ll say instead, “Fancy that silly old Bill Jones doing so well. I bet he wouldn’t have got there without your help, darling….I’m really proud of you.”

With this wonderful spur, she’ll gently lead her husband the way she wants him to go, tactfully, with a word of praise. She neither pushes nor persuades. She simply angles whenever she sees the opportunities until, in the end, he takes the bit between his teeth and bolts just where he has been led; but he still thinks it was his idea and she is happy with his male misapprehension.

The sensible wife dodges sarcasm unless she is really witty. She may be so capable that she would make a strong man wilt, but she plays up her feminine weaknesses. While she does most things well – she never makes it a point to do so – she never neglects her appearance. She never seems to have moments with her hair in curlers, her make-up messy, or her face all greasy. She manages this sort of thing when her husband is at work.

She is probably a little extravagant – it’s the only way to be impeccable, whatever anyone may say.

And tired though she is from bringing up the children and all the other chores, she somehow or other manages to appear bright and interested to her husband when he arrives home. She never puts the children before her husband, but gives them a lot of loving when father’s not about; and she builds up a picture in her children’s mind that their father is a wonderful man.

She never nags – it’s the quickest route to the divorce courts, and even grounds for divorce in these days. She often flatters, but never so much that she appears false, and she never picks on her husband’s weaknesses unless as an indulgent joke.

She realizes that no one ever really outgrows their weaknesses but knows that a slight awareness of them isn’t a bad idea. He might overcome them one day. She didn’t marry the man with the idea of changing him. She just makes the most of the things she likes about her man.

From Woman’s World. circa 1950s

The reason why so many women who try hard fail to make their marriage successful Is because there a no such a thing as a “good wife” — one who would be a bargain for any man.

There isn’t. Whether or not a woman is a good wife depends on just one thing. Is she what her husband wants of a woman?

A woman can fill the theoretical “good wife” picture perfectly and still not make a go of her marriage.

She may be an excellent housekeeper, a good cook, a faithful wife, a sensible mother—and still not make the man she married happy.

Yet if she should lose her husband, she would say (and so would her woman friends) that she had been a good wife.

A working woman knows that there is no such thing as a “good secretary” — one who would, without changing herself or her tactics, fit the bill for any employer.

So each time she goes to a new Job she studies her boss and tries to do things his way.

Wives could very well take a tip from the secretary on that point. They would chuck their picture of a “good wife” out the window and start in to be whatever it is their husbands want and need.

If a man is ambitious, impatient to get ahead – a nice, sweet competent homemaker won’t be enough for him. He will expect his wife to have enough brains and studied charm to carry the family socially.

If he wants an easy-going life with time for friends and fun he’ll want her to be gay and companiable. Not one who will say, “No, we can’t go out to dinner tonight. I already have the potatoes on.”

The man who isn’t sure of himself socially needs more than anything a wife who can be counted on to say and do the right thing at the right time.

It’s up to every wife to draw her own picture of a perfect wife – and draw it from her husband’s preferences and needs.

From the Edwardsville Intelligencer. Edwardsville, Illinios. November 1, 1939.