Frisky Wife

Dear Dorothy Dix: I know you’ve encountered similar situations countless times but please try to help me.

Some time ago I met a friend with whom I had lost touch. He is a widower and, after we had resumed our friendship, he said he’d like to marry me but wouldn’t be ready for another year as he had some responsibilities to take care of.

We settled down to steady dating, including several weekends together. I felt completely in love with him and was sure he felt, the same abaut me. Soon I noticed a change in him. He became critical of me even to the extent of saying I was too easy.

He went to another city on business; stayed several weeks, and came back – married to another woman. I realize how foolish I was but cannot regain my peace of mind. Can you give me any word to help me get back my faith in human nature?
— Marylin

Dear Marylin: Put your faith in God and church instead of in ‘man’ and columnists. Take your troubles to your clergyman who will show you the way back to things you can believe in.

Nothing is as empty as the promises of a man who wants love without responsibilities. That’s the most expensive kind of love for you but it’s quite worthless to him.

You’ve learned your lesson, now stop thinking in terms of “human love” and try “divine love.” It pays off.

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Dear Dorothy Dix: During the Christmas holidays I met a boy who said he liked me very much. I haven’t seen or heard from him since. If we should meet accidentally, should 1 speak to him, or ignore Him?
— Fran

Dear Fran: Speak to him, of course. Act pleased to see him, show that you’re very glad to meet him again, and hope you’ll see him around.

Ignoring him, or anybody else, is a very childish thing to do. You’re growing up, remember?

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Dear Dorothy Dix: What actually is wrong with going steady, even for one somewhat under-age? Most girls do it as a kind of hobby. I see nothing wrong in it. I’m not going steady and not allowed to.
- Carole

Dear Carole: “Going steady” still carries overtones of a serious and permanent relationship. Actually this is no longer true but parents worry about it.

When girls go steady, for one week, a month or even two, “going steady” is quite harmless. However, it is still better, for young people to gather in groups rather in pairs.

Group dating is much better for emotional and social growth and is to be preferred, over steady dating – no matter how fleeting the latter, may be.

It’s better to know many boys, than to concentrate on one. Be different! Stick up for playing the field.

Send your problem to Dorothy Dix. Be sure to enclose a stamped, self – addressed envelope, and address her in care of The Daily Review.

From The Daily Review. Hayward, California. April 27, 1959.

By Dorothy Dix

DEAR DOROTHY DIX: I have been going with Brenda for two years. She’s very devoted to me I’m afraid, however, I took her too much for granted I knew she’d always be waiting for me, usually sitting by the telephone. I’d fail to keep dates without calling her, objected to her girl friends, even found fault with her business associates I fully intended to marry her, but in my own good time.

Last week she had a date with another man. I never spent much money on the girl, this other fellow took her to dinner at an expensive place and a show. I realize now how much I love her, and want to buy an engagement ring. She doesn’t seem to care whether I do or don’t. If she does come back to me, would I ever be able to trust her again?
Danny

DEAR DANNY: Of all the nerve! After two years of the most unchivalrous behavior, the gal finally gets fed up, has a date with another fellow, and you blow up! If I knew how you could get her back, I wouldn’t tell.

Brenda was a dope long enough. The dead end of a telephone can get too lonesome — or didn’t you ever think of that? So I say, three cheers for the girl’s spunk and may another boy’s considerate attention overcome the spell of your false charms.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: I’ve loved a boy for six months but he doesn’t seem to love me any more — though once he did He hasn’t told me he doesn t like me but never calls or talks to me, and dates other girls
C.H.

DEAR C.H.: One of the functions of that famous women’s intuition is to tell when a male no longer cares Raiely is masculine courage equal to the task of coming right out and saving, “I don’t like you” You must learn to know the signals — and I think you’re correctly tuned to this beam.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: I’m in love with a fellow who’s a singer and who travels extensively. When he was here in September, he said he liked me, and would write. He asked me to wait for him, but so far I haven’t received one letter. Should I continue waiting, or go out with others.
Stella

DEAR STELLA: Your wandering minstrel is singing his theme, to another doll: Better give up waiting.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: At the beginning of the term, John and I exchanged rings Then he went to an out-of-town college. I had one date with another boy. John heard about it and was furious. During the holidays he came home and returned my ring. How can I get him back?
Lois !

DEAR LOIS: Some girls like the advantages of going steady, but dislike its limitations. If you get John back, remember it will mean no dating until summer. Better play the field.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: Last month my boy friend, Cliff, said some unkind things about my girl friend, Liz. I know I shouldn’t have told Liz, but I did She promised not to say anything, but she did. Now, of course, Cliff is mad at me and I guess he has reason. He hasn’t tried to see me since. What can I do to make up?
Adrienne

DEAR ADRIENNE: One of the most difficult temptations to resist is passing on confidences. A secret is told, and always with the proviso. “No don’t you dare tell anyone!”. Why should you expect someone else to keep faith, when you couldn’t.

All three of you were wrong in this little contretemps. You are all petty gossips. Why not get together and sign the pledge — to hold your tongues!

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: Two years ago my husband left me I haven’t seen or heard from him since I thought the world had ended, but I pulled myself together for my child’s sake I got out of the financial mess I was in and, in time, the wound healed the debts were paid, and my son and I were happy.

Now I have located my husband and find he has married. There never was a divorce, so he has committed bigamy, but I just can’t bring myself to do anything about it I certainly am not in love with him, but neither am I avenging. Should I tell, or keep quiet?
Pearl

DEAR PEARL: It so happens that you aren’t the only person involved — there’s the second wife. You needn’t make a public scandal over the affair, but the other woman deserves the consideration of knowing that her position is not legal. She undoubtedly married your husband in good faith, and he is in a position where he can walk out on her anytime. She at least, should be told the truth.

(When sending problems to Dorothy Dix, be sure to enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope, and address in care of this newspaper.)
Released by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.

From The Frederick Post. Frederick, Maryland. January 17, 1957.

Another Dear Dorothy Dix Column.

DEAR DOROTHY DIX: I’m 14, a sophomore in high school, and have grown up too quickly – physically, mentally and emotionally. Everyone in this town goes steady but I believe in playing the field until I find someone I really like. Because of my feeling, I have a reputation of being “loose.” I’d very much like some of the boys as friends but don’t want to tied down to steady dating, there any solution to this dilemma?
— Suzie

DEAR SUZIE: Your good sense has kept up with your rapid growth in other respects. Congratulations on that. You might modify your position by going steadily, which includes making friends but bars serious entanglements. Many communities recognise this form of dating, which is nothing but a modern phrase for playing the field. You make no promises or pledges but go with one boy more than any other. It’s a fine distinction but has received official sanction from students in many high schools. Try it.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: When close relatives drop in and I’m interested in a book, should I stop reading to greet them or go on reading?
- M.J.

DEAR M.J.: What in the world has become of manners, of consideration, of courteous behavior? Such rudeness is inexcusable. Can’t you spare one minute out of a lifetime to greet people who have taken the trouble to call? Is a book, or TV, more important than people? The book can wait, but friends and relatives won’t come back to a boor.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: Is it true that when a girl reaches the age of 18 she’s her own boss in every way?
— Georgia

DEAR GEORGIA: The age at which a girl or boy becomes of age differs from state to state, and according to circumstances. For most purposes, but not all, a girl becomes of age at 18. Consult your local legal aid society for advice on your case.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: For three months I have been going with a married lady, the mother of an eight-year-old girl, who is not divorced from her husband. I’m very much in love with her and she has suggested that we take an apartment together. I’m 30, unmarried, and don’t quite know how to handle the situation.
- P.P.

DEAR P. P.: The lady (?) has all the tempting wiles of Mother Eve. Get as far away from her as possible. Take a train, plane, car, or get spiked shoes and run. The cosy apartment is likely to turn into a battleground when friend husband hears about it. To run may be cowardly but to stay means massacre.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: I’d like to comment on some advice you recently handed out, with which I strongly disagree. A young man, engaged to one girl, discovered he was in love with another. You told him to break his engagement and marry the girl he loved. I think he should stick with his fiancee. I was in the same predicament but I gathered up my courage, went through with the marriage and haven’t regretted it since. I, too, thought I no longer loved my fiancee once I had her “on the hook.” Who can feel love when worried or scared? A little fear is a good thing and proves you’re not taking marriage too lightly. As for the other girl, that’s simply an infatuation with the opposite sex which, let’s face it, a man never loses even after marriage.

The question to be asked is: Which girl would you want to spend the rest of your life with? If any man is in a similar position and needs encouragement, here are a few suggestions that helped me. (1) Spend as much time as possible with your fiancee. (2) When talking of wedding plans gets you nervous, change the subject. Let the girl work these things out with her mother. (3) Talk more about the good times you’ll have together after you’re married.
- H.C.

DEAR H. C.: Thanks for your interesting and helpful letter. Everyone does not get panicky when the wedding day approaches, but when the panic is caused by an emotional involvement over a third party, it’s time to do some deep self-probing to find out whether one is in love with his fiancee, the girl or just in love with love. The answer depends on the sincerity of his feelings for fiancee and the other girl. No one answer solves all problems but usually it’s better for an uncertain man to take a break. Glad you decided to stick — and made it.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: My best friend is an attractive girl except for very noticeable hairs around her mouth. Fellows kid about it, calling her my “moust-ached friend.” She’s a wonderful person, loyal and trustworthy. Would it be cruel of me to suggest something she can do?
- Estelle

DEAR ESTELLE: This is an annoying condition but can be removed so easily that it’s a shame for anyone to continue being bothered by it. You’d be doing the girl a favor if you recommended a cure. There are excellent depilatory creams on the market; electrolysis, in competent hands, is very effective. Tactfully suggest that she try either one.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: My boy friend and I have been going together for two years and are very much in love. He often teases about getting married but, since we have no money, that will have to wait a few years. Here’s the problem. He keeps six or seven pictures of his ex-girl friend in his wallet and only two of me.
— Almost Jealous

DEAR A. J.: Give him some more pictures of you. The other girl’s pictures are probably there because he just hasn’t bothered to remove them.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: My husband and I were secretly married over a year ago but for private reasons we have remained in our respective homes. Now he wants me to come and live at his house. I have always been against living with in-laws and feel we should wait until we can be on our own financially, which will be in about a year. Do you feel I am wrong in waiting?
— LESUE

DEAR LESLIE: Since the secret of a happy marriage is unending sacrifice, don’t you think it’s about time you began to give up a little? You are against living with in-laws; your husband is against this marriage mockery which shouldn’t have taken place, under the circumstances, at all. If you don’t sacrifice for your marriage now, you may not have a marriage in another year. Cooperate with your in-laws and you may find they’re not hard to live with.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: My mother-in-law embarrasses me to death by the way she dresses. She’s 5′2″, weighs 145 pounds, and insists on wearing slacks and shorts even to town. You can imagine how she looks. She has absolutely no taste and, even when she wears a dress, it’s most un-becoming. What I’d like to know is this. Should I offer to take her shopping and help her pick out some nice dresses or just let her go on looking ridiculous? Money is no problem with her. She has enough to dress well.
— Jane

DEAR JANE: Yon could make the suggestion – if you and your mother-in-law are on very good terms. If she’s aware of your true thoughts and feelings, I’m sure she’d turn thumbs down on any plans for a shopping spree. If you can approach her in a daughterly fashion and say, “Mom, let’s go shopping. I’d love to see you get dolled up.” She’ll probably say “Fine, let’s shoot the bankroll.” It’s all a question of how you go about it.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: Although I am far from marriageable age I have some advice for people with in-law trouble. If a girl just remembered that she married her husband for what he is, and because she loved him, she wouldn’t be looking for trouble. Furthermore she should consider that she wouldn’t have such a wonderful husband if it were not for her in-laws. She should be grateful to them. If people thought this way, in-law troubles would disappear.
— CONNIE

DEAR CONNIE: Out of the months of babes. I hope you’ll always feel this way, dear.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: I’m in a tough spot. My son is in Germany. His girl has stopped writing and he has asked me several times if she’s going out with other boys. She is, but I don’t know if I should tell him.
- DOLLY

DEAR DOLLY: Tell him. I’m sure your son is too much a man to want protection against unpleasant truths.

(Released by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)

From The Frederick Post. Frederick, MD. January 17, 1957.

…Another installment of Dear Dorothy Dix.

When I marry, I want my husband to be a success. I couldn’t bear to be the wife of a failure. Unfortunately, though, I’m in love with a boy who lacks ambition. I come from a well-to-do family and know people who have a lot of pull. They could help my boyfriend to get ahead, but he says he doesn’t want their help. I thought he meant he wanted to succeed himself, but when we discussed the subject frankly recently he admitted he’s contented in his dead-end job and doesn’t want to change it. I tried to convince him that he has the ability to be very successful (which is true), but he said he wasn’t interested. If I marry him, will I be able to persuade him to take the help I could give him?
AMBITIOUS

The boy would be unhappy if you managed to persuade him to take “help” he doesn’t want and you’d be unhappy if you couldn’t persuade him. So don’t marry him. The marriage wouldn’t work because you and the boy have conflicting outlooks. Choose a husband whose ambition matches your own – someone eager enough to take the help of friends with “a lot of pull” and strong enough to stand a lot of pushing from you.
DOROTHY DIX

He refuses to do the garden

The boy I’m going to marry says he loathes gardening and won’t even mow the lawn after we’re married. What makes me mad is the fact that he slaves in his mother’s garden. He says he has to or she’d nag him but I don’t know whether this is true. Anyway, I think it’s awful of him to say these things to me now, even if he thinks them.
GARDEN LOVER

I don’t think it’s wrong of the boy to call a spade a spade and tell you honestly how he feels about gardening. Would you prefer him to decieve you now and tell you later? This way, at least you know where you stand. You may even be able to find some way out. But don’t follow your future mother-in-law’s example and choose nagging. If you do, you and the boy will both have a hard row to hoe in marriage.
DOROTHY DIX

I want to solve a mystery

My boyfriend is rather mysterious about his past. He won’t tell me how many girlfriends he has had before and won’t say whether or not he was in love with any of them. This irritates me very much as I think I have a right to know. I’ve tried questioning him straight out and in a roundabout way but I’m gertting nowhere. His past is still wrapped in mystery. I’m 17; he’s 19.
MYSTIFIED

I don’t know why you have a right to know all about the boy’s former girlfriends. I suspect you’re just nosy. Probably, the boy thinks so too, and that’s why he’s determined not to give you the information you want. You’d better stop cross-questioning him. It’s an invasion of privacy and if you keep it up you might find that, instead of unwrapping a “mystery’” you’ve succeeded in packing up and finishing off your romance.
DOROTHY DIX

Neglected by the party host

When there’s a party at my boyfriend’s place, he rushes around mixing drinks for all the other guests and generally plays the perfect host to everyone but me. I’m told to look after myself “like a good girl” and, after that, although he dances with me and talks to me, I could die of thirst for all he cared. Sometimes, I’m even asked (by him or his mother) to help pour the drinks or pass the food around. I love this boy, and he says he wants to marry me but I can’t understand the way he treats me when I go to parties at his place. What’s your opinion, please?
UNATTENDED

It seems to me that you’re being treated like one of the family and, if that’s what you’d like to be some day, I wouldn’t object if I were you.
DOROTHY DIX

They all think I’m a flirt

Every boy who takes me out gets the idea that I’m a terrible flirt, but I’m not. It’s just that I’m very popular with the boys and I can’t help that, can I? What should I do?
MISUNDERSTOOD

I don’t think any girl can fool all the boys all the time. And you’re not fooling me, either. I think you are a flirt and enjoy being considered one. If I’m wrong, it’s up to you to correct the impression you’re giving. Just watch the behavior of the most reserved, lady-like girl you know and try to imitate her. It might be a bit difficult for you but try, anyway.
DOROTHY DIX

From Woman’s Day Magazine, Australia. August 2, 1965

By DOROTHY DIX

DEAR DOROTHY DIX: My problem concerns a boy I like, but have never dated, and a girl friend whom I suspect of being slightly less than true-blue. Her boy friend belongs to a club where Ricky (the boy I like) is also a member. She claims she has heard via the grapevine that Ricky is interested in me. However, I know she isn’t trustworthy, so don’t know how much or her gossip to believe. Now to the problem. I’d like to invite Ricky to a class dance but am a little afraid to risk it. Suppose my girl friend is lying and Ricky turns me down?
BABS

DEAR BABS: So suppose he does? Will you be any worse off than you are now? Proceed with the invitation as you would have if your loose-tongued girl friend had never uttered a word. When you know, as you say, that the girl isn’t to be trusted, why put any credence at all in what she says? Why, in fact, keep a girl of her calibre on your friendship list?

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: My fiance is a wonderful boy but terribly hot-tempered. He flies into rage at anything or nothing. He gets over it quickly, but soon is at it again. Of course I always forgive him. Is there any point in staying cross with him?
GIGI

DEAR GIGI: You have quitte a future in store forgiving him every time he flies off the handle. A high-tempered person is very difficult to live with. A girl who undertakes marriage with one is either desperately in love or lacking in ordinary common sense. A man who flies into a rage over nothing isn’t even mature enough to qualify as a husband. Cure him or can him!

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: I’m desperately in love with a girl who is halfway through college. I began working after school, am now 25, and know my salary won’t support us. Should I let my friend finish college? She will then have a profession and on two incomes I know we’d make it. Right now we’re just two kids in love.
NOEL

DEAR NOEL: At 25, Noel, you’re no kid. Unless, and until, you can see your way clear to supporting a family out of your own funds, stay out of the marriage market. Have you told the girl about your plans for her future? I doubt if they will be well taken!

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: How can I be sure my boy friend loves me?
DIXIE

DEAR DIXIE: This question is the eternal brain teaser. If I had the answer, I could make a mint. However, nobody has been able to devise a test for love. Maybe that’s why women were given intuition. It’s as good a tester as anything.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: Seemingly, I have everything in the world to make me happy — a marvelous husband, good children, a lovely home, yet my heart is breaking over my oldest daughter’s behavior. She’s an honor student in school, perfectly behaved outside, but she simply won’t confide in me. During her growing-up years I had looked forward so much to the time when she’d be of dating age, and would come home after every dance all ready for a comfy woman’s talk. She hasn’t developed that way at all. She’s quiet, keeps things to herself and never indulges in chit-chat with me. I have always been a friendly, sociable person and love lo talk things over. I need the companionship of friendly people and have especially wanted the confidence of my only daughter. Can you suggest a way of handling her?
Irene C.

DEAR IRENE: I certainly can, but you won’t like my suggestion, and may even be constitutionally unable to follow it. It’s simply this: let the girl alone! Quit trying to pry into her thoughts and check up on all she does. Respect her privacy!

Recognize the fact that your daughter isn’t necessarily a pattern of yourself. She’s what nature made her — just as you are. You’re the gabby type; she’s not. With naturally silent people speech comes hard. Expression of inner, personal feelings is difficult, even when they want to confide in someone. A girl can’t turn out the contents of her mind as you would empty a purse.

This is your oldest child; you have three others growing up. Learn now that each offspring is an individual and needn’t follow parental tastes or habits. This is something to which every parent must adjust, if the child-parent relationship is to be a good one.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: Roy and I have been dating for a year and we expect to marry when we finish school, which will be this June. He promised me a diamond for Christmas, but when the 25th of December rolled around gave me a string of pearls instead, with no explanation for his change of heart. He has never spoken of the ring again, neither have I. Do you think he’s trying to back out of the wedding plans?
Christine

DEAR CHRISTINE: If he’s a smart boy, he is certainly backing down on marriage. You’re both too young, and Roy has no plans for his future. Instead of puzzling your poor brain over this, why not come out in the open and ask him why he changed his mind, and what he feels about your future together.

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DEAR DOROTHY DIX: We live in the home of my in-laws – not with them, but in their home. My husband is soft-hearted, and spends most of his spare time and money doing things for his mother. I don’t think this is right, since we have a hard time getting along as it is. We pay rent, but my husband gives his mother extra money every week. I can’t make him understand that I should come first.
Hopeless

DEAR HOPELESS: It’s difficult to make a girl understand that she married a kind, soft-hearted man because she loved him that way, then suddenly she wants him to become stony toward his own family. You can’t have things two ways. Perhaps your husband is too generous with time and money toward his family – I can’t pass judgment, not knowing enough details. If you feel he should taper off, approach the matter slowly; don’t expect a sudden or complete change. Explain that there’s just so much money; you need certain things and the rest he can do with what he wants. If there just isn’t any “rest” he’ll have to learn to see that, too.

(Released by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)

Taken from The News. Frederick, Maryland. February 3, 1958.

One of the most remarkable and beloved women in America was the late Dorothy Dix. She was actually mother to millions. A New York butcher, who was an admirer of this writer, exclaimed: “Ach, that Dorothy Dix. She’s a momma and poppa wrapped up in one.”

I have just read the story of Dorothy Dix, by Harnett Kane, in collaboration with Ella Bentley. Arthur, the latter a long-time assistant and secretary. It is a fascinatng book — a woman endowed with a will, a purpose, and a courage that never wilted under fire or adversity. In many respects Dorothy Dix was one of the most useful women of her time – the sympathetic and understanding friend to millions who wrote to her over a long period of years. The book is well named — “Dear Dorothy Dix.”

As an early reporter she was the peer of the ablest – man or woman. She was a small woman with dark, sparkling eyes. Perhaps that was why it was so easy for her to edge her way into people’s hearts’ Few could resist her charm, her honesty, and womanly understanding. She made it easy for anyone to confide in her. She had a rare wit and was heavily endowed with genuine common sense. She knew hardships, suffering and disappointments, so that when her great triumphs came they gave to her character balance and serenity.

I can’t help paying a tribute of love to Dorothy Dix in this space, for I knew her for more than thirty years. She had the most devastating smile — a smile that won you to her as a devotee for life! She was so kindly and joyous to all. She got stories from women that no other writer could get. By her almost miraculous instinct she helped to solve many a puzzling crime. She once said no woman was ever convicted that she felt was innocent, so penetrating was that instinct.

As an example of her succinct replies to correspondents, here is one. Said the correspondent: “I am going to be a secretary and want you to recommend a book that will help me become a top-notch one.” Dorothy replied: I highly commend to you the unabridged dictionary.

Dorothy Dix’s great service arrived, however, when she devoted her talents for so many years to her newspaper column, influencing millions with sound advice, comfort, and hope. Harnett Kane’s book is an excellent and an inspiring one – “the story of a compassionate woman.” Yes, Dorothy Dix WAS, “an institution!”

— By George Matthew Adams.

From the Austin Daily Herald. Austin, Minnesota. December 8, 1952.